此文版权美味英语与无忧雅思所有，转贴须注明来源无忧雅思网 q@6o.f I9R-Z

In certain countries children are not allowed to leave school until they reach a certain age, for example, in some countries it is 15 years. Should there be a minimum school leaving age, or should students and their parents be free to decide when they leave school?无忧雅思网Z0xIU p T,W

It has remained a quite controversial topic that whether students and their parents are free to decide(和原题文字重复,可以考虑改写成 are allowed to ) choose when to leave school or whether a minimum school leaving age should be set enforced.  Since in the 21^st century, education is placed on the top of most countries’ agenda, it should be implemented thoroughly and strictly.(我觉得斜体字可以作为理由写在主体段)  Therefore, In my opinion, to establish a minimum school leaving age should be necessary with regard to the development of students and wellbeing of our society.and enforceable. 无忧雅思网/X OG2`tX
|

在写第一段的时候,要尽量准确改写原题并尽可能简练的提出自己的论点,而且后面的论述要和论点关系紧密.这里不是讨论是否inforceable的问题,所以给你删掉了.无忧雅思网8f#B:j*S?

In certain countries, children are not allowed to leave school until they reach a certain age.  This is for the benefit of most children. 合并成一句话如: It is for the benefit of children to study in school until they reach a certain age, which is the case in many countries.  It is harmful for a child to enter the society when he or she is not ready to. For instance, many Even children even reaching under the age of 18 are not mature enough to properly deal with the problems and challenges of lifeoutside world.  School time is the purest and the most meaningful and exciting period in one’s lifetime, and each children have the rights to enjoy it. (这句应该是另外一个理由,插在这里不合适) Also, the government is responsible for providing its citizens with these facilities and satisfies the need of the children.  Many cases have clearly illustrated that young people who have committed crime are closely related by their early school leavings there is a high correlation between crimes committed by young people and their dropping out of school at an early age. BecauseAs there isare no not many places for such young dropouts them to go to and to learn what is right or wrong, those young people are puzzled often confused about with the strange society. Moreover,  and for the most of the time, many of such young people they don’t have a proper job to make a livinglive on. They are separated from their fellow school friendsmates and at the same timemeanwhile, they find it hard to enter adapt to the adult world.  All these such problems may become have led to the result causes of juvenile delinquency, which has become a big concern nowadays. 无忧雅思网Kk | @!kI3r+fN-\k

It is true that some kids are not willing to leave school at an early age, but due to their financial background, they have no choice.  On this stage, the government and school should do something to bring it into effect.  We cannot deprive these kids of their opportunities of learning, therefore, a fund better be organized to support them to finish their study.  (这段因为和题目的关联不大,不是探讨谁改付钱让孩子上学的问题)

Children leaving school at an early age, especially those from poor families, sometimes engage in child labor, which is a violation of children’s basic right to spend their best years in school and raises a number of ethic issues in economy.  无忧雅思网%a ]M$_T;D

无忧雅思网_ [RmY

你考虑清楚的理由往往可以讲清楚,如第一段,但是中间不要搀杂其他观点,可以另做一段来探讨.无忧雅思网;xn'd3RmN